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Tales from the Fans' Embassy 13

Sat, 03 Jul 10 08:54:07 +0100

Wednesday morning saw us getting a tour of Soweto Hospital, arguably the largest hospital on the continent with over 2,000 beds and many, many more outpatients. A sister of a friend of a friend - who is big in anti-racism charity Kick It Out - has worked there as a physio for a couple of years and took time out to show us around.

If I suggest that conditions there are approximately 100 years behind England, then you will start to form an impression of the place. This is basically a ‘free’ hospital and we did not see a single white patient; they can afford health insurance and those facilities, we’re told, are excellent. A new Accident And Emergency ward was opened about a year ago - a nice new building’ looking quite 21^st century. It had replaced an open-fronted, corrugated-iron out-patients area where people had queued for hours in the open, whatever the weather.

Our physio had a patient to see in one of the wards. The guy was about 30 and a straightforward problem with his leg had escalated with a serious infection and was badly swollen. In England it would be in a sling to ease the pain; here his leg was supported by an upturned hard-backed chair – I kid you not! Anyway she had to see him to discuss his future need for physiotherapy IF they do not amputate. His attitude was quite matter of fact - a ‘whatever will be, will be’ type philosophy.

There were about 20 beds in the ward and every one was occupied. A helper pushed a trolley round, dishing out dollops of what looked like mashed potato; a sink hung away from the wall; paint flaked off of the ceiling. This was not a sterile atmosphere.

Across the road from the hospital was a street market; mostly food but with some clothes. Most of the ‘stalls’ consisted of a single table, though some were just blankets spread on the dried earth. We were the only white people there and, from the stares we got, it was apparent that they didn’t get many.

In all of our travels it was obvious that, despite the end of apartheid, whites and blacks do not mix. We had a black guy in our group but ours was the only mixed group we saw while we were in South Africa. Coloured workers in cafes and restaurants took a while to get used to our mixed party of equals, even more so as we treated them as equals. But the reactions of the white guest-house owners to having to accept a black man into their houses as a guest was the most amusing. Well amusing for us whites anyway, though I think that Gary felt uncomfortable himself. As business people, they had to be polite but one felt that they would have rather he slept in the garage.

I fear for the future of this magnificent country. Although Nelson Mandela is no longer the leader, you still feel his presence and his authority has kept a lid on the tensions here. What will happen when he has gone is debatable. Never have I seen such a divided nation. All the workers are coloured; all the management are white. There is no apparent cross-over. The whites still own the businesses and make the decisions and it is difficult to imagine that changing in the foreseeable future.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 12

Sat, 03 Jul 10 08:51:15 +0100

On Tuesday, some of us went to Pretoria to see Japan v Paraguay. From what we had seen at other games, we were confident we could pick up tickets cheap - but this time the touts held their nerve until the last minute. We eventually got in for about £18, though we missed about the first 25 minutes of the game. The lasting impression of the game was ‘how can England be going home when one of these is going through?’

The answer, of course, is simply that our over-paid superstars did not perform.

The game was boring but we made our own entertainment. The locals were delighted by the four of us singing ‘God Save The Queen’ and an assortment of ‘Engerland’ songs.

I will never accept that penalties are a fair way to settle a game of this importance; that said, the rules say ‘penalties’ so ‘penalties’ it is. These lads had obviously been practising (5-4). I wonder if the English players ever do?

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 11

Sat, 03 Jul 10 08:44:53 +0100

While I’ve been here I’ve written very little about the football itself. Those watching at home have had countless slo-mo replays and pundits’ explanations whereas I have only had my own failing eye-sight, my fellow fans’ reactions and text messages from home. However following the defeat by Germany, I now feel the need to get my feelings off my chest.

Once again we have had a brilliant trip spoilt only by the football. Firstly I’ve questioned the choice of team and of substitutions several times. David James should have started the tournament; he had the experience and the form. James Milner should not have started the first game; he was clearly not fit. After that it was an uphill struggle.

Many of the substitutions puzzled me, especially Jermain Defoe off to bring on Emile Heskey when we were chasing the game (don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Heskey at 0-0 or when we’re winning but he has never been a prolific goal-scorer). Talking of goal-scorers, how come the guy who has scored the most goals in recent years didn’t feature?

Tactically, when the first decent high cross into the area had brought a goal against Germany, why did we not bring on Peter Crouch for the second half and exploit the only weakness we had found in the opposition? Why did we over commit ourselves to attack when only two goals to one behind and still with lots of time left?

How many times did James want to deliver a quick clearance but have no-one to feed the ball to? In fact, when was there any movement off the ball at all?

Why did our players look tired from the start of this tournament when Premier League players from other sides, Tevez and Belhadj for instance, did not?

Why did our team play like 11 individuals despite having mostly been together for years, when the 11 youngsters from Germany played as a team?

Why were other teams distraught at the end of the games that sealed their elimination, when ours showed little emotion to their defeat other than Gerrard dropping to one knee for about 20 seconds?

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 10

Mon, 28 Jun 10 15:53:51 +0100

The South Africans quickly got over their team’s failure to qualify; none of the nasty scenes that have happened back home on one or two previous occasions. These people accepted it with a shrug and a smile.

Our day of destiny dawned and every local you met was supporting England for the crunch match against Slovenia. Garage, shop or restaurant, they all wished us luck. While walking past a factory, a worker ran to the grilled window to say “Good luck England, you can do it”. When I pushed a copy of the Free Lions through the bars, you’d have thought I’d given him a £100.

It has become apparent that the black people of South Africa have an appreciation of life itself. Throughout our trip, we have noticed how the people here are friendly, polite, helpful and cheerful with no strings attached and if you are friendly back, you are rewarded first with a moment’s surprise and then a genuine thrill to be treated as an equal. Compliment their country or city and you will see them glow - but the greatest response of all is to ask them about themselves or their family. We were chatting with a waitress at a café and she was working her way through university with ambitions to becoming a lawyer. We asked about her course and how she saw her future etc., a normal conversation for those with time on their hands. When we were ready to leave, one of our group asked for directions to the nearest hairdresser; instead of directions, she insisted in walking us there to ensure that we found it. Next time I’m in a café in the UK I’m going to try it and see what the response is!

As a Fans’ Embassy, besides driving thousands of miles and giving out over 10,000 Free Lions for each game, we have been bombarded with questions; probably more than Germany. Thankfully serious ones have been few and far between. There have been no arrests (other than the changing room trespasser), a few robberies from hotel/hostel rooms and little else. Most of the questions have been over tickets – where to buy them, collect them, sell them or be confident they’re not forgeries. Quite a few people have lost their flags and we’ve managed to re-unite a couple of them. Travel around this huge country has prompted a lot of questions and accommodation a few more. The most amusing is still the guy who locked his car keys in the boot (OK, not funny for him at the time but I’m sure he’ll laugh about it later).

Tickets until now have been very easy to get hold of and nobody should have needed to pay above face value. From now on things might be different and we are already hearing of silly figures being asked for the game against Germany but I feel that it will settle to less than double face value by matchday.

We’ve had a lazy day which has been much appreciated by all after Thursday’s 800 mile drive back to Jo'burg (bringing our total mileage so far to about 2500 miles). Most importantly, we’ve managed to get some clothes washed and all smell a lot fresher!

I’m going to sit and watch the Brazil v Portugal game which has startd on the telly; I know because I can hear the vuvu-bloody-zelas from here.

Hopefully we can show the same spirit against the Germans as we did in the last game. If so, I could be writing a few more of these - let’s hope so.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 9

Mon, 28 Jun 10 15:50:38 +0100

I’ve just driven back to where we’re lodging near Port Elizabeth, and on the track to the house met our neighbours - three zebras and an elan. Now, I live in Devon and am used to meeting sheep on the road, even the occasional bullock, but not three bloody-great horses with Toon tops!

When we got here in the afternoon there were monkeys on the road, and in my rush to get my scribblings off to you the other day, I forgot to mention we saw baboons on the road. Honest - it’s a wrap-around zoo here!

Hang on, excitement over, there’s not enough rooms in the main house so four of us have to move to a nearby building – the boss nominates Anne-Marie, Kerry, Graham and I. First problem, it’s blooming miles away. Second problem, two bedrooms, one with bunks and a single, the other with a king-size double and that’s not all; you had to walk through one to the other to get to the only bathroom. I’m sharing a double with Graham – not ideal. I won’t mention that the toilet hadn’t been flushed or that umpteen cats attempted to rush the door every time you opened it. But good news – there’s beer in the fridge.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 8

Mon, 28 Jun 10 15:39:49 +0100

Our luck with the weather here gave out on Monday. We awoke to heavy rain and most of the day was the same so we cancelled the idea of walking to the Portugal v N Korea game. Why get soaking wet to watch two teams that you don’t support? Little did we know it was going to be a goal feast.

The media here are very excited about the England fan that turned up in the dressing room after the Algeria game, claiming to have got lost while looking for the toilet. If the stories are true, he told David Beckham just how bad we were. Why Beckham? What could he do about it? One thing is sure, if he had been on the field he would have tried and he would have encouraged the others to try. On the night, did you see our captain Steven Gerrard cajoling his team-mates in the way that Beckham would have done? No. In the same way, he did not go to Green in the first game to put a captain’s arm round his shoulders - he has failed to look like a captain.

Whether the fan had any right to criticise the team, I’ll let you decide. People have saved for years in order to be here to support the team; I’ve met a guy who jacked his job in because his employer was not sympathetic to his holiday being open-ended - and remember all the other games that people have attended in order to win sufficient caps to be sure of getting tickets. Prices for flights and accommodation have been ridiculously high; match tickets are dearer than ever before. Surely the fans have the right to expect 100 per cent effort from those players lucky enough to pull on an England shirt?

Celeb bothering - Baddiel and Skinner

Thu, 24 Jun 10 10:34:14 +0100

Top spot by Joanne Allen of Barking who "papped" comedy legends Baddiel and Skinner (not posing at all) flicking through Free Lions 104. Free Lions obviously has friends in high places - we refuse to attend VIP parties nowadays unless there's more than one flavour of crisp - so it comes as no surprise to us. Nevertheless if you happen to spot any other celebrities reading Free Lions, we hear Beyonce's a big fan, take a snap and send it to freelions@fsf.org.uk. The best entries win a free subscription to the next 10 issues.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 7

Tue, 22 Jun 10 22:23:34 +0100

Why do we do it? People often ask of football fans “Why do you go all that way just for a game?” especially after performances like England’s last one. They fail to understand why people pay the money or make the effort. The answer of course is very simple; the football might be the reason for going but it is not the ‘raison d’être’ - many other things influence a trip. The many and varied bonuses have this time been easy to list.

There are obvious ones like meeting people from that ever-growing catalogue of fans that you now know and talk to and the many interesting people from other countries that you end up talking to.

Today for instance, on the top of Table Mountain (more of that later) I bumped into a couple from Southampton (my team’s fiercest rivals) who I frequently see on away trips. I first met the father and son in a bar in Belfast whilst giving out Free Lions; I think that was their first away trip with England and it couldn’t have been the embarrassing defeat that hooked them. But hooked they were by the camaraderie and the overall experience and I then saw them again many times. The mother was soon initiated into the experience and we now make a point of looking out for each other in order to spend five minutes putting the world (at least the football world) to rights.

When I got to the bottom of Table Mountain a taxi driver called across to me: “Taxi, boss?”

“No thanks mate, we’ve got our own car down the road,” I replied.

“OK man, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine thanks”

“No, you say ‘I’m lekker,’” he said - and went on to explain that it is an Afrikaans word meaning very nice or good.

“I’m lekker.”

“You got it, man!”

This all led into a conversation about the football, their disappointment, our disappointment, the locals’ determination to overturn the English media’s insinuation that we would all be shot or robbed and to make sure that our lasting impression of Africa was a pleasant one. We chatted for about 10 minutes as he waited for his next fare and I waited for my friends. His delight that he had taught me a word from his language was apparent – needless to say his use of my language was perfect. These ‘brief encounters’ all add in to the combined pleasure of a trip wherever you may go.

When we get time to be tourists, that obviously adds a great deal more and I had never dreamt of being able to go to the top of Table Mountain - but that is where I was! When told that to walk up took fit people about four and a half hours, we decided that the cable car (four minutes) made more sense. Well, what a view! We were so lucky to get a clear sunny day for it but there was still plenty of cloud in the area and it was strange to be above it, looking down on it is something you usually only do from a plane. In the directions where there was no cloud, you could see forever. I had fancied abseiling down but the cost had put me off from pre-booking - but I must say that if I had, I almost certainly would have bottled it. When you get off the cable car you are 1,067 metres up and the sides are mostly sheer. The abseiling instructor stood nonchalantly on the edge whereas I had trouble forcing my legs to work when within 10 feet of it; even the observation platforms had me nervously gripping the handrail.

We followed the mountain experience with a trip to Boulders, near Simon’s Town, to see the penguins. A totally different experience but walking amongst them and standing a foot or so from them in their natural habitat, is surreal.

So all is well with the world; I’ve had Father’s Day messages from my kids (well they’re still kids to me), I’ve rung my wife from the top of the world and later from within a foot of her favourite birds.

The debacle on the pitch on Friday is already a distant memory. The only thing that ever spoils football trips is the football.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 6

Tue, 22 Jun 10 22:06:22 +0100

Last time I wrote, we had been to a Nature Reserve and we followed that up the following day by spending four hours in the Apartheid Museum. What an eye opener that was; every person that comes to South Africa should visit this museum. Groups were discriminated against even pre-1900, though in those days whites were included in the poverty group. We’ve all read about or seen news of apartheid in the second half of the twentieth century, but to actually see the signs saying 'Whites this side' and 'Blacks that side' brings the reality of it home to you. Footage of the white-power organisation, AWB, riding horses through a town centre, carrying rifles and automatic weapons and goading the blacks, left a very sour taste in the mouth. We could easily have spent twice as long there but doubt that we could ever understand how some human beings can treat other human beings.

We then moved on to Cape Town - by the sea and enjoying the brilliant sunshine. The mighty England are still unbeaten after two games against massive opposition, the US of A and Algeria, and only need to win their third game to guarantee qualification to the knock-out stages.

Wednesday saw us leaving at 5am to start the 900-mile drive to Cape Town. We were breaking our journey by staying overnight at Beaufort West. This was the day of the social event that I had been looking forward to for months. When the local Mayor had heard of our proposed visit coinciding with the playing of South Africa’s game against Uruguay, he had issued a loose invite to be his guests at the local Fan Fest to watch the game on the big screen.

The 11-hour drive was not the ideal preparation for a night on the town. The dramatic drop in temperatures that led to many mountain passes in the area being blocked by snow and us passing patches of snow on the roadside, all served to put us of the idea of an outside ‘do’ with the local dignitaries. As a result, we made our excuses and ate at our hotel watching the game on the telly. South Africa’s disappointing performance – a 3-0 defeat by Uruguay - undoubtedly would have put a dampener on proceedings at the Fan Fest anyway.

Another early start saw us arrive at Cape Town at 1.30pm on the Thursday, in time to set up a Fans’ Embassy near the waterfront. The weather had changed completely and t-shirts were the order of the day in the sunshine; Table Mountain was free of its usual mists and we will hopefully get a chance to visit.

Thankfully, like Rustenburg, there were few incidents to deal with. We had the usual questions about availability of tickets, transport, best route to the stadium etc. The biggest challenge came about five hours before kick-off when UK police informed us that the police at the stadium would rigidly enforce FIFA’s rule on the size of flags, that is nothing over 2m x 1.5m, being banned.

Now this rule has been in place for donkeys’ years, but more often than not, authorities ignore it or make contingency plans for it. In Germany for example, where the ban was enforced, the stadiums provided safe storage for the offending flags for collection after the match. The SA police representative made it clear that they would not. “If you try to take it in, it will be confiscated and destroyed.” Remembering that some of these flags can cost hundreds of pounds, it was obvious that this could lead to problems and/or confrontation.

The first thing we did was to send out a text message to the fans on our free text-messaging service. It was then a case of touring the bars and telling as many as possible and getting fans to spread the word themselves. Fans going to the stadium early were briefed and asked to phone back to us with updates on the situation. The result of all this, as you probably saw on TV, was that many fans were allowed in with their flags, though they were apparently asked not to put them up in the ground (which of course they forgot). Unfortunately it was also clear that many did have their flags confiscated; the first two that I spoke to admitted that they had got our message but ‘thought they would try it anyway’.

The 90 minutes of the match are again best forgotten; whereas the performance against the USA was poor, this was dire. Emile Heskey worked hard, James looked generally safer than Robert Green - despite one punch that went almost vertical – but the rest failed to turn up. The disgruntled Wayne Rooney, who was upset by the fans’ booing, looked uninterested. The financial cost and supreme effort that fans have put into coming here surely entitles them to boo?

We worked for a while after the game and then we were all guests at a Fatboy Slim do. Those of you that know me will not associate me with big beat music, but on the night, I ‘did it for the team’ and as I sit here my head is still reverberating from the ‘thump, thump’ music and flashing lights.

For anyone at home with friends or relatives over here, all the media’s pre-tournament worries about security have as yet proved groundless. Incidents have been few and far between; I can recall several European trips with more problems. The locals have been really friendly wherever we have been.

We hope to get the chance to do the touristy thing over the next couple of days so hopefully I can find something of interest to report back on; maybe I’ll abseil down Table Mountain.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 5

Tue, 22 Jun 10 21:26:38 +0100

On Monday we had the luxury of a day off - that is, apart from carrying the helplines, we could please ourselves what we did. Unsurprisingly the ones that had worked all through the night to finish the next copy of Free Lions decided to stay at the house. As they didn’t send it through to the printers until after 9am, it’s understandable that they all chose to go to bed.

The rest of us went to a Nature Reserve. We managed to avoid getting eaten – staying in the vehicle seemed preferable to walking about with lions on the loose – and captured hundreds of great photos.

There were three news items of interest. Firstly, stewards at the Moses Mabhida Stadium rioted after the match between Germany and Australia. Apparently they had been promised 1,500 Rand, but then only received 100 Rand (about a tenner) each. They took umbrage at this and made their feelings clearly known.

Another workers’ dispute over money saw the drivers of one of the local coach companies call a wildcat strike during the Holland v Denmark game. Hundreds of fans came out of the stadium afterwards to find that their coaches were conspicuously absent. Fortunately the authorities put on extra trains back to Johannesburg centre until the backlog was cleared.

But by far the weirdest story we heard was about an English fan that stole the keys from a parked coach. As we understand it, after the England v USA game, the coach was returning to Jo’burg when the fans on board requested that the driver stop at a service station so that they could relieve themselves of some of the alcoholic beverage that they had consumed. The coach driver stood by his door but a fan on the bus ran forward, removed the ignition keys, jumped off the bus and into a waiting car. Unfortunately for him, someone did what he hadn’t considered; they noted the car registration and told the police. As a result, he was soon nicked and charged. Weird or what?

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 4

Fri, 18 Jun 10 08:28:29 +0100

Who said “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king”? Well here in South Africa, my English state pension makes me a rich man!

In the UK we do not know what poverty really means. Driving around South Africa is a humbling experience. We’ve all seen the shanty towns on TV and said “How awful that people have to live like that”. Believe me, you do not appreciate the real scale of it.

There appears to be more people living in these ramshackle buildings than in the sort of houses that we are used to. Even these have different levels of poverty; some have water, some have electricity, some have both - but many appear to have neither. You see hundreds of corrugated iron ‘boxes’ clustered together as if for warmth or protection – they are rusted iron sheets cobbled together, reminding me of chicken houses I’ve built in the past.

Some of these encampments are miles from anywhere and as a result, wherever you are driving you see people walking. Miles from any obvious habitation, people walk. Men and women, old and young, will walk. Schoolchildren in smartly ironed school uniforms are walking miles to school whatever the weather. There could not be a bigger contrast to the British ‘school-run’.

Any road junction near civilisation has between two and ten people dodging between the cars selling things. It seems you can buy virtually anything without leaving your car, from toiletries to fresh fruit to vuvu-bloody-zelas. You’ll even find a guy with a black bin bag who will take any rubbish from your car in return for a rand or two (remember there are about 11 rand to the pound).

With all this poverty, you would expect the miserable, zombie-like expressions that you see on many faces in the cities of the Western world - but no, these people still have a smile and a wave for you. Whether it’s just because of their pride and pleasure at getting the World Cup I don’t know. Come back next year and it might be different; I don’t know. I do know, however, that I will remember this the next time I’m feeling sorry for myself and there will always be a place in my heart for the people of this country.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 3

Fri, 18 Jun 10 08:22:56 +0100

At last a proper Fans’ Embassy; livered vehicle, parked in a prominent position and us taking time to walk about giving out Free Lions and talking to fans.

We’ve had the usual assortment of questions - “Where can we get tickets?” “Where’s the best pub?” “How do we get to the stadium?” and one that I’ve never had before “I’ve locked my car keys in the boot. Can you help?” Well, pointing them to the ticket office or recommending where to buy tickets was easy for once. Telling them the closing time for the FIFA ticket office was a bit more difficult, as on Friday they insisted they would shut at 6pm but by Saturday morning the closing time was to be 10pm. “Are you sure?” we said, and their reply was: “Yes, definitely.” But by the afternoon that changed again to 9pm. For those without tickets, I have never seen so many people anxious to sell tickets at face value. Any touts caught a serious cold!

“The best pub”, this time was the hardest question; a few posh restaurants and couple of cafes was all that was on offer in Rustenburg, though we discovered later that enterprising locals had created drinking areas nearer the stadium with a good supply of cans. If we have to visit again, we will be better prepared.

“Getting to the stadium” was a nightmare. The stadium is about 14 miles from the FIFA ticket office and there is no public transport. There were several park and ride areas but all were nearer the ground than the town. A month ago they were definitely providing shuttle buses from the town to the stadium; unfortunately by match day, they had forgotten that.

All we could offer for the “keys in the boot” was the phone number for the South African AA.

That really describes our Saturday; the evening of course, began with the usual traffic jam and total chaos around the stadium. Our hard-won and precious stadium parking permit did not allow us anything more than the freedom to move from one “you can’t come in here” gate, to another.

Eventually we got into the great bowl of a stadium; personally my designated seat (I enjoyed standing for 90 minutes) was in the back row with nothing behind me but a little-more than waist-high barrier and a bloody-great drop. For those of you envying our trip to tropical Africa, you’ll enjoy hearing that the temperature dropped to about 40 degrees Fahrenheit (4 degrees Celsius).

The game is best forgotten. “Why didn’t James start?” and “Johnson and possibly Heskey were the only ones that I thought came out of it with credit” are about all I care to say. The vuvu-bloody-zelas drove us mad. But at least the attempted Mexican wave was strangled at birth!

From an Embassy point of view it was a quiet night – just one call from someone who couldn’t find his coach. The helpline did ring again about 1am but as I sleepily answered it they hung up.

Two of us stayed over at Rustenburg to run a day-after Fans’ Embassy in case anyone had problems, but the only one we heard of was a couple that failed to get back to their coach to Cape Town for an organised trip. The tour company didn’t think to notify the British Consulate until Sunday morning. Apparently they turned up about two hours later having somehow got a flight down from Jo’burg.

And now I’m back at our accommodation in Johannesburg. The Free Lions team are busily putting the next edition together for the Algeria game and I'm going to watch the games on the telly.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 2

Fri, 18 Jun 10 08:20:35 +0100

This is my third World Cup and I’ve also been to two European Championships finals and many other England away trips - but NEVER have I seen a complete population so enthusiastic, happy and proud. On the day of the opening game – South Africa against Mexico in Jo’burg – the city was grid-locked for hours before the game as every man, woman and child took to the streets in a pre-match celebration.

We quit giving out fanzines early as England fans were few and far between, but our attempts to leave the city centre to get back to our accommodation on the outskirts was thwarted at every turn. The first two miles or so coincided with the route to the stadium and to a Fans’ Park. It took us nearly three hours to complete. The Fanfest was supposed to hold about 18,000 and I swear more than that walked past us as we sat in traffic. When you consider that the Park had already started filling up in the morning as we passed on our way in, then you will start to get a grasp of the numbers. When we eventually passed it at ten minutes before kick-off it looked rammed; half of them inside would not have been able to see the big screen, and thousands more queued outside whilst thousands still walked towards it down all the surrounding roads. Cars were abandoned everywhere including motorway slip-roads and central reservations.

The locals we met after their game were thrilled to draw; if they win a game I should think you’ll hear the party from England!

The most important message to any fans over here must be to leave for games very, very early. Traffic congestion is normal and on match days it is obvious that it is going to be ten times worse. Unfortunately there is none of the German efficiency in their planning and organisation.

Tales from the Fans' Embassy 1

Fri, 18 Jun 10 08:14:21 +0100

What a huge country this is! Every journey seems to take a couple of hours at least; even longer when you get stuck in the traffic jams. The local cars seem to break down at regular intervals.

People continue to ring us about a variety of things, in particular accommodation, and we're pleased to tell them that not only is there plenty but prices have dropped significantly. We're told that Cape Town hotels are only 43 per cent full for our game there.

Have I mentioned the unbelievable enthusiasm of the locals? Everywhere you go people wave to you and call out or blow their vuvu-bloody-zelas. When you go in shops they want to talk to you; they are all so proud that the World Cup has come to their country! You can't help but hope that their team does well in the competition.

Last Wednesday we drove through Rustenburg and got stuck in what appeared to be a procession. All the town had turned out (it's a one-street town) and every car was greeted with enthusiasm. We were driving our Fans' Embassy vehicle, a Land Rover fully livered with Free Lions, Fans' Embassy and Nationwide signs, and got special cheers; you'd have thought the Queen was with us. A couple of miles outside of town the procession broke up and we found that we had been following half a dozen police cars and two fire-engines - I can understand why they were so pleased to see us.

A few England fans were already in Rustenburg even though there is little to do there. Our evening was spent at a party organized by the BBC in Soweto, at a bar opposite Nelson Mandela's home. It was a live World Service broadcast followed by some bits on Radio 5 Live. It was one of those gatherings that only happens at World Cups, with Africans, Algerians, Portuguese, Argentinians, Americans, Mexicans and of course us flying the England flag, all mixing and talking football.

We heard that more fans were being stopped at airports and that dawn raids took place in the homes of 'hooligans' who had not surrendered their passports. I feel I should point out that we have researched this previously and found that the majority of those that hadn't surrendered passports actually did not have a passport – true! On Tuesday I got a call from a fan who was prevented from travelling. We offered the lad free advice from our solicitor for his appearance at Uxbridge Magistrates Court, and I’m pleased to announce that the magistrates threw it out and awarded him £1,000 compensation. When will the authorities learn that not all Football fans are hooligans? Don't get me wrong, I do not condone violence and will support all efforts to eradicate it, but not at the expense of innocent fans and at what cost to the taxpayer!

PS During our travels so far we saw two baboons, a dassie (Google it) and an ostrich!

Bricking it

Thu, 17 Jun 10 16:16:01 +0100

Ever wondered what top-class football looks like played by Lego men? Wonder no more. Thanks to the rather excellent Lego Fussball you can “enjoy” England v USA all over again. It’s actually quite good for the soul. Whereas Rob Green’s howler last Saturday might have left you screaming at the TV, recreated in slow-mo Lego it all takes on a comedic edge. As long as we progress from Group C, of course.

Watch the full video here.

Why the World Cup's left me feeling a little deflated...

Mon, 14 Jun 10 15:05:24 +0100

It’s a drizzling, grey Monday morning and it feels a bit like a 4^th day into a crap package holiday. The initial excitement has gone, and you start to notice the cracked tiles in your bathroom and the all inclusive buffet isn’t quite so appetising.

So far, Germany and Argentina aside (the latter showing glimpses of what they can do), the football on display has been poor if occasionally entertaining, with the particular low light of Algeria and Slovenia performing a decent impersonation of a scrappy non league match. Surely England have nothing to worry about there? What could possibly go wrong?

Shoddy performances aside, what is really pissing me off are the vuvuzelas. It’s not just that the noise they make is exactly the noise a serial killer has in his head all of the time. I feel like they are robbing me of the World Cup. All that blowing is actually sucking the atmosphere from the stadiums. The worst thing about them is their consistency. A football match ebbs and flows and a major part of the whole experience is the noise from the stands. Those blowing these trumpets from hell cannot be watching the game or if they are they’re certainly not reacting to it.

I once attended a Tyne-Wear derby at Roker Park at a time when would be visiting fans were banned. There was a surreal silence when Beardsley scored for Newcastle. Despite not wanting my nose rubbed in it by thousands of happy Magpies, it just wasn’t right. The vuvuzelas have a similar impact. It’s football without its natural backdrop. Its ‘Allo ‘Allo without canned laughter or Jaws without the cello. Should they be banned? Absolutely, give me my World Cup back please!

One other thing. As if an under par performance and draw against the USA wasn’t bad enough it makes it even worse when that sneaking feeling you have about the Yanks just not getting football is confirmed by the coaches post match comments "The response was good," Bradley said. "After the goal, we started to put some plays together and built up confidence”. Put some plays together? Put some plays together??!!

The World Cup of National Anthems - Group F

Fri, 28 May 10 09:20:34 +0100

For most people, the only time they get to hear other nations' national anthems is at major sporting events such as the World Cup, so we decided to have a little competition and decided the winner of all the 32 competing nations in musical form. We've already seen some of the big hitters of international football fall at the first hurdle in previous groups, but I can reassure you that that's not the case here.

We'll get this out of the way nice and early - Italy go through atop the group. Il Canto Degli Italiani (or Fratelli Italia) is a barnstormer of a national anthem, and despite our allegiances to football, we can't somehow hear this without picturing Michael Schumacher atop a Formula 1 podium conducting an imaginary orchestra as Ferrari notch up yet another victory. That apart, it sounds amazing when sung by full-throated, passionate Italians, and that's what we like in a national anthem. 9 points from 3 games, Italy reach the knockout stages.

The competition for the qualification spot from the group, however, is somewhat more fierce. 3 largely unfamiliar anthems (unless you happen to be from Paraguay, New Zealand or Slovakia) vie for the one remaining spot, and this one's going down to the wire. Taking Paraguay first up, their anthem bears more than a passing resemblance to Fratelli Italia, and is full of the sort of pomp and ceremony and intricate orchestral workings that we come to expect from a good, traditional South American anthem. It's title, too, is a call to arms - Paraguayos, Republica o Muerte (Paraguayans, Republic or Death), and it can be sung in either Spanish or Guarani, which adds another string to its bow.

Paraguay's isn't the only multi-lingual anthem in the World Cup, however, and it's not even the only bi-lingual one in this group. New Zealand's effort, God Defend New Zealand is also known as E Ihowaa Atua in Maori, and it is typical to sing the first verse twice, once in each language. What it boasts in technical ability, however, it somewhat lacks in any punch or zeal. It's a rather drab affair, and not really one to stiffen the sinews ahead of battle. The Kiwis, as we expect them to on the pitch, fall disappointingly at the group stage. If only they did the Haka, instead...

The last contender for second place, then, are the Slovakians with their effort Nad Tatrou sa blyska (Lightning Over the Tatras). Originally adopted as one of the national anthems of the former Czechoslovakia, it has long been a call to arms for the Slovak people. For us, it's something of a slow-burner. The music is delightful, in the same way that Antonín Dvo?ák's New World Symphony is. It's a really pleasant instrumental piece, and we're torn between this and the Paraguayans when trying to decide which will progress. Unfortunately for the Slovaks, we're suckers for a bit of South American flair in a World Cup year, so it's a disappointing goodbye to the Eastern Europeans.

The World Cup of National Anthems - Group E

Thu, 27 May 10 11:56:20 +0100

Group E sees a battle for superiority between Europe and the rest of the world, as Holland and Denmark come up against Japan and Cameroon in the latest edition of our national anthems face-off in the run-up to South Africa 2010.

While the Dutch brought total football to the world in the 1970s, and will doubtless be among the pundits' tips for honours on the pitch in South Africa this summer, their anthem is a massive let-down. With claims at being the oldest anthem in the world (first traces go back to 1574), it's perhaps not surprising that it lacks the vibrancy of some of the newer efforts on the block, which is a shame. We're thankful to Fifa (and that's not something you'll often hear us say) that there's a rule in place allowing a maximum of 90 seconds of an anthem to be played before a game, because we're not sure how long we'd last before falling asleep through this Dutch dirge. The Netherlands are going out at the first hurdle.

Another country famous for its vibrant and colourful support, Cameroon, have no such problems in the anthem stakes. Their effort, Chante de Ralliement (the rallying song) is everything the Dutch anthem is not. Modern, upbeat and glorious, with echoes of their French colonial past (there's more than a slight passing resemblance to the Marseillaise, which can be no bad thing), the Cameroonians fly through the group as by far the best effort on show.

That leaves us with a straight fight between the musical stylings of Denmark and Japan (which again is not something you'll hear very often). The Danes offer up a fairly tame effort - the national anthem equivalent of that Matt Le Tissier shot that Massimo Taibi let in through his legs at Old Trafford all those years ago. While its title 'There is a Lovely Country' sounds like it might be have been thought up by Father Ted, sadly the resulting song is nowhere near as entertaining, as it meanders on slowly and in a rather dull fashion for the best part of three minutes.

Japan, meanwhile, are one of the few nations who can play their whole anthem before matches while still sticking to that aforementioned Fifa rule, given that Kimigayo lasts a fraction over a minute. It's beautifully simple lyrics - 'May your reign continue for a thousand, eight thousand generations, until the pebbles grow into boulders lush with moss' really appeal to us. A shock, perhaps, but the Asians reach the knockout stages.

The World Cup of National Anthems - Group C

Tue, 13 Apr 10 15:27:26 +0100

Group C brings us one of the oldest anthems in the tournament up against some pretenders from the new world. God Save The Queen has been around since the mid 1700s as the national anthem of the United Kingdom, and the debate has been raging for about as long as to whether England should have (or indeed does have) its own. Land of Hope and Glory, Rule Britannia, Jerusalem and Vindaloo are all suggested, but we’re stuck with God Save The Queen for the time being, so we’re going to have to judge on that. And harshly judge, we will.

It’s just dull. Desperately dull. And slow. So desperately dull and so desperately slow. The English must be hopeful of a weak group to progress to the next round, and with opponents Slovenia they’ve got exactly that.

It’s not that the Slovenian anthem sounds like it belongs in a particularly tedious Andrew Lloyd Webber musical (which it does), it’s that it somehow seems to do the impossible and make God Save The Queen seem like a decent tune. In a match between the two it’s just no contest. Perhaps we’ve been wrong about the English anthem all along, and they’re going to easily escape from the groups?

Well, no, they won’t, because up next is an absolute joy of an anthem from Algeria. We have to admit that our knowledge of the national anthems of a lot of the countries at the World Cup was, frankly, zero before we started this. But that means we get to unearth a few gems, and in Algeria's we think we’ve got one.

Part Looney Tunes intro, part Monty Python, the tune is simply fantastic. When you marry that to lyrics that include references to ‘streams of generous blood being shed’, you get a music and lyrics combo that’s up there with the patriotic best of them. We can just imagine the Algerian players marching on the spot as they proudly belt out their anthem, and in this contest at least they’re sending the England players scurrying away, administering a crushing defeat which sees them knocked out of the group in third place.

And what of America? One of the most recognisable anthems in the world, and in every sense a genuine world leader. The fact that it was only officially adopted in the 1930s might surprise, but it’s a timeless classic. And before there’s any dissent, can you imagine Hendrix making God Save The Queen sound this good? Nope, we can’t either. So the USA top the group ahead of Algeria to progress into the knockout stages.

If the World Cup was decided on national anthems - Group A

If the World Cup was decided on national anthems - Group B

The World Cup of National Anthems - Group B

Wed, 07 Apr 10 09:47:42 +0100

They say that games can be won and lost before a ball is kicked. In our version of the World Cup, that’s actually true – the teams line-up on the pitch, belt out a song, and the winner is declared without the need for any running around or kicking a ball any of that stuff.

Will the World Cup go to form? Are there any shocks in store? Read on to find out.

Group B sees a veritable mixed bag of talent from four different continents, as Argentina clash with Nigeria, South Korea and Greece for two places in the last 16. Group B, as predicted, is much tighter than Group A, lacking as it does one real stand-out anthem. The Greeks are used to causing surprises (from their Euro 2004 win over Portugal to the Trojan horse), and they proceed through the group unbeaten, including a resounding victory over Argentina. The South Americans fall out of the group stages with little more than a whimper. The Hymn to Freedom is everything you can want from an anthem – proud, powerful, forceful; a real show of strength. Argentina’s, on the other hand, is an utter disappointment. It just sounds like something Celine Dion might’ve come up with in her 90s ‘heyday’, rather than an instrument to whip up some patriotic fervour. Either way, it’s a disappointing tournament for Maradona and his men as they go home with their tails between their legs.

And despite being semi-finalists when hosts of the World Cup in 2002, South Korea will be joining them on the early plane home from the tournament. Ultimately the south east Asians couldn’t put up with the strength, speed and power of the Nigerians, whose anthem lasts an impressively quick 50 seconds in total. It reminds us of the sorts of hymns we used to sing at school, which despite us not really trying, somehow always managed to sound pretty good when sung in large numbers – get the African choir onto this one, and it blows the Koreans clear out of the water, and so they proceed to the knockout stages.

If the World Cup was decided on national anthems - Group A

If the World Cup was decided on national anthems...

Wed, 31 Mar 10 17:12:14 +0100

There’s any number of ways to predict the winner of the World Cup – we’ve canvassed expert opinion, played the matches out on computers, asked the bookies, used Ouija boards and talked rubbish down the pub with our mates, but what about using the national anthem as a portent of World Cup strength? Ludicrous? Perhaps, but they say that games can be won and lost before a ball is kicked. In our version of the World Cup, that’s actually true – the teams line-up on the pitch, belt out a song, and the winner is declared without the need for any running around or kicking a ball any of that stuff.

Will the World Cup go to form? Are there any shocks in store? Read on to find out.

Group A sees a clash of continental styles, as the old-stagers from Europe, France, come up against the new order in hosts South Africa, with a Latin American influence provided by Uruguay and Mexico. In surely one of the easiest groups in this year’s finals, France sweep all before them with La Marseillaise. A more epic anthem you will struggle to find, and they are already establishing themselves as one of the contenders for this year’s World Cup title. It’s glorious and easily recognisable, and takes 9 points from its 3 matches, leaving the others fighting over 2^nd place in the group.

Uruguay look to be struggling – at over five minutes long, their anthem is certainly one of the longest in the World Cup, if not the world. What it boasts in length it sadly doesn’t make up for in any real excitement or stirring of emotions. It’s dramatic enough, but its repetitive lyrics and overall boredom factor see it beaten comfortably in all 3 of its matches, seeing it slump into 4^th place in the group with ‘nul points’, and out of the tournament.

So we’re left with a straight fight between Mexico and South Africa in the final game, having each taken 3 points from the Uruguayans. Widely expected to struggle on the pitch, the South Africans make a sterling effort off it, and boast a multi-lingual national anthem featuring words in Xhosa, Sesotho, Afrikaans and English. The tune’s not much to write home about, and the tempo of the Mexican anthem really takes the game to SA. Fast-paced, almost operatic, the technical abilities of the Mexicans are in danger of over-running the hosts, but then we read that the Mexicans take their national anthem incredibly seriously, with threats of fines from the police for getting the words wrong if you sing it incorrectly in public. We like the music, but we don’t fancy our chances of learning the words properly in time, so the hosts go through courtesy of a late own-goal from the Mexicans, who must be devastated. Besides, a World Cup’s always better with the hosts making it out of the group stages, isn’t it?

So France and South Africa have booked their places in the last 16 - check back next week, when we take a look at Group B.

Have the Ntini of your life

Fri, 29 Jan 10 13:47:06 +0000

Have the Ntini of Your Life

Those of us who chose watching the England cricketers’ recent trip to South Africa over the upcoming FIFA World Cup can be smug on a few counts; firstly, we could watch the game lying down on one of the sloping grass banks and throw five pints of Castle down our necks for the sum total of eleven quid. Then there was the fact that we were caking ourselves in Factor 25 while those in the UK braved the coldest winter since weather was invented. Maybe most importantly though, those of us who picked the Durban and Cape Town tests saw an underhyped Three Lions side play with pride and grit as England landed a thumping win and a courageous draw from the two fixtures.

If our two weeks in the sun are anything to go by the football travellers will have a great time. The only proviso is that people are wary and streetwise – stick together in groups, take taxis when it gets dark, bring the minimum amount of cash out with you, that sort of thing. The only unpleasantness we saw was a lone English lad of about 20 getting threatened outside a newsagents. “Buy us some biscuits or we’ll knife you” is probably an unconventional threat but it isn’t exactly what you want to hear when you step off a plane in a foreign country.

If you can afford the eye watering air fares then the cost of living once out there may ease the pain a little. No doubt prices will be jacked up all over the place but with lager at just over £1 a pint and nice meals available for under a tenner there’s plenty of room for manoeuvre until they reach Middlesbrough never mind Mayfair prices. It was refreshing to hear that taxis would remain metred during the World Cup in the cities we visited too, although whether that happens in practice will be an interesting one.

What cricket can never match football for though is the feeling that you’re at the focal point of the planet when the matches are being played. It being a minority sport (congratulations here to Giles Clarke of the ECB for taking it off terrestrial TV), the 1,500 England fans at Durban and 5,000 at Cape Town were, however, rewarded with a more relaxed South Africa away from hordes of police and officials. The locals that we mixed with in the grounds were friendly to a man - and stunning almost to a woman - and the opposition’s legendary bowler Makhaya Ntini even laid on free beer for the England fans to celebrate his 100th Proteas appearance. The famous Spitting Image sketch never felt less apt.

Enjoy the scenery, absorb the sun, get behind the side. If you respect South Africa it may just wow you.

Tom Bright

Disabled ticket allocation a concern

Fri, 29 Jan 10 13:41:47 +0000

Stories have emerged from a number of England’s disabled supporters who, despite being among the most highly-capped followers of the Three Lions, have not been allocated World Cup Final tickets by Fifa. That’s presuming England make it all the way, of course. Touch wood.

The problem stems from the fact that there simply aren’t enough disabled spaces in some of South Africa’s stadiums.

While it’s been difficult finding out exactly how many disabled spaces will be available, it’s fair to say that by the expectations of disabled fans in this country, their just aren’t enough.

Our Fans’ Embassy team has been trying to get to the bottom of this, in order to update our City Guides, but so far it’s been difficult. Apparently at many stadiums the numbers won’t be known until contractors hand over to the council. Which sounds a little odd, surely these things are known in advance?!

We have managed to hunt down the figures for some of the stadiums and they make for interesting reading. The stadium in Polokwane holds 46,000 fans of which 1,000 are designated for disabled supporters, which seems pretty fair.

However Soccer City in Johannesburg, which will host the Final, has a total capacity of 94,900 but only 112 disabled spaces. This obviously isn’t adequate although it isn’t necessarily at the root of the problem.

Englandfans are given 8 per cent of the stadium’s capacity for the final, if you carry this figure pro-rata across to disabled spaces this should give England about nine spaces for the final, out of the 112 available.

It does seem that an oversight somewhere along the line, not by the FA but by Fifa, means that none were allocated to the nations involved.

Well done to the FA though, they’re one of the best when it comes to issues of disability, racism, or homophobia, and they’ve promised this is something they’ll be able to resolve with Fifa.

If you’re disabled and should have qualified for tickets but missed out let the FA know about it via Englandfans.

We know they’ve already helped one fan who would have otherwise missed out, so speak up!

By Michael Brunskill